Great Expectations - 3

I want to receive post, but not only the boring one with bills or some documents from bank ect. I want my friends to send me postcards from different places in the world. I want this oldsqool mail. Then I can collect them and place them on my wall in my room, and keep a nice memories from different places and people.

:)

Great expectations 2

I want to read a book in Spanish. But not any book, one of the books of Zafon. I don't know why I have chosen this one. Most probably I don't know a lot of Spanish writers. And I still haven't finish any book of this writer. Last summer my roomate lent me an Angels Game the last book of him (El juego del ángel, 2008) and I managed to read the first part out of three. I have to say I enjoyed it and I want to finish or read something else, because I was told that book "La sombra del viento" is better.

There are few other reasons/expectations about reading this book. My spanis is really bad, and I have a huge difficulties to read in this language. I am not sure if I will understand a lot, but it will be a right challange. And finally reading is such a nice activity, you can go somewhere to park, or to coffee shop with your book and instead of sittin in front of TV alone in your flat, you can enjoy not only book but environment around you.

Great Expectation - 1

I want to learn how to cook one dish that will be easy to prepare, fast and everyone will like it. I have seen it pletny of times that many of my firends have something like signature dish (it can be even well done eggs). And it is so enjoyable when someone is inviting you over food and cooking for you and you can fully enjoy!

Because I will be living finally on my own and I really love to have people over I have this great expectation to learn how to make something great and make people happy. ohhh gosh I love to have guessts and I was not really able to have them while being in Poland.

Great expectations about my EVS

Each person has some certain expectations about almost everything. Even if someone says I don't want to expect anything and "bas bdna neeish" there are always some expectations behind it.

About my EVS I told myself that I don't really wanna know what will happen out there, what exackly I will be doing, where I will live etc. Although I didn't wanna know, I have done some research and I have found some of my roomates on facebook. How crazy this world is and how it changed last 5 years!!! (but this is already globalization we have to get used to).

And me to, I have develop expectations, things I want there to happen, maybe we can call it even goals. And because it is still a process and the new will come, i will open the category for a GREAT EXPECTATIONS, to be able to update them and add new ones.

Nice quotes about life

I just realized recentrly that I am posting a lot of different quotes on facebook, and I think that in most of them there is a lot of truth. Sometimes we do not realize the simple things and I just wanna remind myself about it via quotes and nice sayings.

So maybe I will be posting some of them here.

"sometimes, in order to open our eyes to the possibilities of today and tomorrow, we have to close our eyes on yesterday ... without any sorrow!"

For one day to africa? YES, to the city of doors...

Recently when I go somewhere, it happens that it is only for a short amount of time and I always have very intense programme (conferences, stuff to organize etc.). This time I was invited to Tunis for the whole two days (in the very beginning it suppose to be only one). Fortunately for me that time, I have some hours to discover the city of doors.









Besides the characteristic doors everywhere, I really felt in Tunis like in Greece. White building, narrow streets, palms, maybe those things are typical for many other places, but anyway it was my first, very short impression:)

Changes, changes, changes...

This time the change in my case will be stabilization. What I am looking for is a place where I can find a job and have home, not only a place where I can sleep and from time to time take stuff out of the suitcase. I want to unpack finally. And now I have a chance, at least for 9 months of my stay in Spain.

I still have a month to go, and one very important task to do. I decided that I don't want to come back to my parents place, what I am usually doing. It is time to grown up. Therefore since few days I am cleaning my room, going through all those secret places and mystery stuff I decided to hide as being a teenager. Unfortunately I have to throw away most of it. It is painful, but needed. Hopefully in two weeks my room will become just a guest room and I will start the new adult life.

Is it worth to be good?

At first, with this post I don't want to recommand anyone to be a bad person. Not at all. It's just recently I have this thoughts if it is good to be always nice, careing, helpful simply althruistic person. Does it pay off?

I really don't like this approach to think about life in the bussines terms. I really didn't want to be nice for people because it will pay off. I wanted to be like this because I believed it is a right bahaviour.

Unfortunately life shows me that I have to be carefull with the althruism. That if I will not fight for something it will not really happen, and if I show people that I am a good person, they will simply use me.

Till not it is kind of right. I was working a lot as a volunteer developing projects. Yes I can say that I gained a bit of experience and fun time bla bla bla. But as a normal person I compare myself to others. They got much more, because of this bussiness rules, because of negotations and deals.

After so many years of my work in differen fields I feel used. I feel that I was giving a lot to the others - my experience, ideas, recommendations, partners, consultations, my time, my energy, my resources, my knowledge. The alternative cost was very high because it was my whole life as a student and all that time. And I see it now it didn't pay off.

It makes me sad when I see people, whom I teach, whom I helped a lot doin right now their own great stuff. I am praud and happy that I was able to help, but it makes me sad that thhey moved forward and I didn't, and I don't have a perspective.

Maybe I am overreacting. Maybe my life would be much worse if I would have been differnet. Maybe I shouldn't complain and see the positive sides (yes there are still many of them).

But is it really possible to be a good person, and not be used because of that, acheive someone, or even the good person must strat playing this trading game...

I want to be brave

Maybe this will be a big generalization, but I have the feeling that people are not saying what they want, they are afraid to be honest with themselves and other people, they are just hiding a lot of things, if they don’t fit to the general “rules”. Besides there are a lot of “forbidden” topics that they are never talk about. And I have the feeling I am as well like this to some extend.

Few days ago I was talking on skype with a good friend of mine. Something has happened and I felt weird about it, I didn’t plan to share it with anyone, but it happened that we started talking as well about this situation. It helped. We both realized that it is good to talk with other people openly, honestly and without judging.

There are a lot of situation like this, that speaking up really helps. For example:

a) In your friends circle – it is never so perfect that people always feels comfortable with each other. Even your best friend might be hurting you (or u hurting your best friend) without realizing it. How much easier would be solve this in the very beginning then wait and wait and let your problems grow

b) In flirting – how easy it would be to tell someone you like about it instead of playing games of getting each other lasting sometimes few years, or what’s worse doing nothing. It seems so simple to go to someone and say – I like you, maybe we can go out sometimes, but in the reality it isn’t;

c) In the relationship – well I am not a specialist from that but there are very often questions unasked, and usually those questions are not even asked directly, like where is it going, or what do we like, what do we want etc. But I guess one of the most difficult thing is to talk about feelings. You can be with someone and still feel very insecure, you want to say what you feel to this second person and you can’t, you want to hear that the second person feels about you, but you can only guess…

d) In the professional life – in this case there might be a lot of situation that speaking up is useful like getting with the initiative to make a project, applying for the higher position, talking to your boss about salary raise, of even while looking for a job, instead of sending CV just to go to your favorite place and sell yourself. Say what you want, knowing as well what are u capable of.

These is one more category, that I have no idea how to call, maybe just life – there are a lot of topics that people are not talking at all, those you think embarrassing things can become normal. I have this friend of mine, with whom we talked about a lot of different things like typical stuff – guys, relationships, drinking, feelings and a lot of our experiences concerning that stuff. Finally I realized that all those things I thought are not normal aren’t. I started feeling more secure, more comfortable. The problem is that usually people are lying, are pretending and describing themselves as someone totally different. They are creating the untruth image, and thanks to that unrealistic standards of behavior that people wants to follow but are unreachable.

I want to become this honest and brave person, who can independently decide about her life, and not follow the others, not being scared to get what I want, to talk about my feeling, to break the rule of following usually fake social rules. I want to be brave, but I am even hiding this blog. I guess no one is reading it… so this is my honesty for today!

the name of my blog

I simply dont like the name of my blog. Well the subtitle - memories from the world is still quite ok, but I don't like the address - traveling-aga!!!!!! That is so boring...

I know that noone is reading it, or almost noone. I know that this is mostly for me to catch up with myself, and write few texts to come back to it later. And especially because it is only for me, I want to have it perfect, interesting, cool.

I want to have the name with more metaphorical meaning, I have seen so many cool names, why I cannot get creative and change it?

Globalization – hate it, but cannot live without!

Normal people has problems with school, work, friends or I don’t know – that the pet is hungry and they have to go back home and feed it. I am not normal – I have a lot of strange thought going on in my head, which I guess are not typical for the “standard” young person. In my head is globalization, but I don’t like this word so much (it’s kind of scary), so I will replace it in this text with something else – maybe “green”!

I am wondering how much green influenced my own, very private life, and how my life would look like without it. Right now I can easly say that I am a global citizen (of course thanks to green). And I don’t think so because of some higher ideas, no! There is a lot of proofs from my daily life, being global citizen it is not a choice or something what I wanted. It just happened! I am waking up in the morning and opening my computer and checking e-mail. There is always a lot of them, because I am “living in a few different time zones”. Then I go to school or to the office, listen to some Arabic music (recently mainly Amr Diab, but as well a bit of Spanish), when I am bored in a bus I text some of my friends (and believe me not those from Poland). My job (what is not really a job, but what I am doing right now) is to contact filmmakers from all around the world and get their movies to my film festival. The second job is to write youth project, of course international one, or help my friends and partners white them, and many other stuff… My school – well I have right now only online classes with “classmates” from Czech Republic, Germany and UK, but originally from Pakistan, Russia, Belarus, Slovakia, South Africa, Croatia and maybe something more.

I realized that there is something wrong with me during new years eve. At first I was trying to follow each hour in which time zone people are celebrating now, secondly I was texting with my friends from four different continents and I guess I was enjoying it more then the party (well I had already a drinking party via skype!)

I have to admit – green conquered my life. There are basically no limitations. The communication via phone became very cheap, especially within Europe, but there is as well skype for free. The transportation is rather cheap as well, you have friends everywhere that they can host u, if not u can find some via different portals. Besides there are still different projects that let you (or sometimes u just have to) go around the world. Culture differences are not a problem anymore, at least not for me, I feel already the same everywhere (and for sure I don’t feel that Poland is my home). I guess there is only one limitation for green – visas (but it’s totally other topic).

Yes, it was nice to travel, make new friends, experience new cultures etc. But it was nice few years ago. Right now my life is design by green and it doesn’t feel comfortable anymore. I don’t know what I really dislike in this. Maybe that I don’t have my place I can call home, maybe saying goodbye permanently or maybe that I simply cannot fit into the environment I suppose to live, into the environment of xenophobic Polish people and really interesting polish boyfriends :)

It bothers me that in this greened world I don’t really have my privacy and everyone knows everything. I have already limited access to my facebook for around 90% of my “friends”. I went through my online profile and deleted most of the stuff I have found about me (if it was possible to delete). But in this greened world somehow it happens that everyone knows everyone, people talk, gossip exchange information about the others. It might happen that you will do something and the next month some friends from the other part of the glob will know about it, through the strange chain of connections. On Monday I have to go to the airport, who knows what will happen… whom I will meet…